Sheila Salisa // 1991 // China, Indonesia // music, art, sketch, fashion, travel, design // medical student //

oh well

This is kinda irony… I wanna leave this place as soon as I can, yet in the same time I kinda scare to face the world after that. I hate my uni life yet I always wanted a fun crazy university life which I never had here. Seriously what should I do… I did (and still do) really want to get the most of uni life but it just never happened (well not in 5 years). I do hang out, I do go out eating laughing with other but its just …i don’t even know how to describe it.. it doesn’t feel in the right place.

I don’t know what should I do next. Is it what they called with quarter life crisis ? Or it’s just my own problem ?

I don’t even know who to blame for this. Well I’m pretty sure that I have no rights and no one has to take responsibility so I am constantly blaming myself. And I’m currently at the stage where I feel this close to be diagnosed for acute depression. ………………

And being 20 something, you can’t act like child in family anymore. You are the adult one, parents are getting old, situation has changed, you have to be the one who understands (or at least pretend to), sacrifices, takes care of. Back in my high school, the head master (a sister) of my school always taught us to always be independent and not to rely on others, I’ve never really understand that until now. You can’t complain once the decision you made turns to be the wrong one (she said, “you have the power to decide yet still following others, it’s your fault”).

Good thing is.. this will end in a year. I do really hope it will end soon smoothly without problems. I have to really create my life after this, I have to get my life back. I have to enjoy the world, I’ll be having summer even in winter.

This is getting random lol. I’m in the middle of final weeks but I can’t even concentrate. 

I haven’t written in such a century. Will do it soon :P


你们有没有觉得长大了以后生活越来越难过 难过比开心多。。
有时候觉得这世界上没有人比你倒霉 你是最感伤的一个人。。
无论多家人朋友环抱你 有时你觉得你是最寂寞的人 怕有一天他们都会离开你 让你自己遭受。。

我啊在这时刻很害怕 我外面看到一个开开心心的女孩 我脑里好乱搞 很多事没想到答案 我很怕 怕未来会怎么样 虽然我知道未来是个秘密 我真觉得很葸 现时的呢 我也不喜欢自己的生活 以前期待的跟现在非常不一样 后悔吗 非常。


OMG HEY PEOPLE !!! I havent written in like for… ever ! I miss writing blogs. So heyhey this is my first post in 2013 (grin). Nothing has changed for the last ummh… 4 years. An ordinary-far-from-genius medical student, a Chinese girl who has small eyes but barely speak Chinese YET still struggling in Chung Kuo, a daughter, a sister, a best friend, a girl (space) friend, A THIRD WHEELER (still) (yey) (-___-) LOL. Nothing has changed except…. (drumroll pleasseeee) MY HAIR. I finally dare to cut it a shoulder length (a little longer). YAAYSZSZZ. That was one of my new year resolutions anyway. So this is how I look now (not everytime only after spending hours to comb, of course LOL).