This is kinda irony… I wanna leave this place as soon as I can, yet in the same time I kinda scare to face the world after that. I hate my uni life yet I always wanted a fun crazy university life which I never had here. Seriously what should I do… I did (and still do) really want to get the most of uni life but it just never happened (well not in 5 years). I do hang out, I do go out eating laughing with other but its just …i don’t even know how to describe it.. it doesn’t feel in the right place.
I don’t know what should I do next. Is it what they called with quarter life crisis ? Or it’s just my own problem ?
I don’t even know who to blame for this. Well I’m pretty sure that I have no rights and no one has to take responsibility so I am constantly blaming myself. And I’m currently at the stage where I feel this close to be diagnosed for acute depression. ………………
And being 20 something, you can’t act like child in family anymore. You are the adult one, parents are getting old, situation has changed, you have to be the one who understands (or at least pretend to), sacrifices, takes care of. Back in my high school, the head master (a sister) of my school always taught us to always be independent and not to rely on others, I’ve never really understand that until now. You can’t complain once the decision you made turns to be the wrong one (she said, “you have the power to decide yet still following others, it’s your fault”).
Good thing is.. this will end in a year. I do really hope it will end soon smoothly without problems. I have to really create my life after this, I have to get my life back. I have to enjoy the world, I’ll be having summer even in winter.
This is getting random lol. I’m in the middle of final weeks but I can’t even concentrate.